About seven years ago I woke up on a Sunday at my
mom's house with the most unbearable pain I have ever experienced. About
fifteen minutes into the pain I had my mom take me to the emergency room where
I spent the next few hours throwing up and being diagnosed with kidney stones.
The doctor told me that it is as painful as having a baby and that next time I
should try just having a baby. Incidentally, they did find a dermoid tumor on
my ovary that had to be removed. Most of my family calls it the harry, toothy
tumor, Lizzy calls it the fifteenth grandchild. Anyways, the pain I
experienced was one I never wanted to repeat ever in my entire life.
Only I got to experience it one more time this last
Monday. I woke up, had breakfast, and soon after experienced a horrible pain in
my side. I went to my doctors office and he said it was either kidney stones or
a bladder infection and sent me home with some painkillers. Only I kept
throwing up the pain killers so they did not have time to dilute the pain. With
nothing left to lose, I decided to go to the emergency room. At least
they have the pain killers injected into your system so you can forget the
excruciating pain of having to birth a kidney stone. Unfortunately, I was not
the only one who decided to make a trip to the emergency room. There were a
number of swollen legs and a few bleeding heads, in an effort to get my mind
off of the pain I tried to figure out what was wrong with everyone in the room.
After quickly assessing that I did not really want to know that information on
more than a few individuals. I went on relived the many times I had been to the
emergency room. I would like to say it has only been a few but that would
be a false statement. Here is the more interesting of all of the stories.
The one and only time I was in an ambulance (knock
on wood) occurred right after graduating from beauty school. I had just
finished my state boards where you have to do pin curls and waves on a
mannequin head. I passed the test and threw my work of art in the back seat of
my car. Flash forward a few weeks later when I am side swiped by another car.
Imagine the surprise of the fireman who opened my back door only to see a
floating head. Here is how that conversation went:
Him: "There is a head back here, there is a
head back here"
Me: "Its alright I am a hair dresser"
I am not sure how me being a hairdresser would
justify a decapitated head. But I think he figured out that it was a
mannequin because I heard some laughter and jibs towards the poor unsuspecting
fireman.
This little story got me through about fifteen
minutes in my three hour wait to be seen by the ER doctor, that an complaining
to anyone who would listen to me. I really enjoy complaining on a good day...
find me on a bad day and I can perform a cacophony of complaints to rival
any symphony. Eight hours later, after drugs, cat scan, blood and urine tests
and one catheter I left the hospital and passed a bouncing baby kidney stone. I
think next time I will just go for having a baby...
